They Like Me, They Really Like Me

Gah.  So I've been moderating this philosophy chat group on Wednesday evenings at work for about 1.5 years now.  And I'm done.  I hope to be in colloquium Wednesday evenings next semester and so won't be able to moderate the thing anymore.  (Various things prevent rescheduling the thing from Wednesday to Monday, the only other evening I could moderate.)  There isn't anyone at work who could and/or is interested in moderating, so the group is changing to self-moderating, self-organizing mode.  The library will continue to provide meeting space and beverages; participants will bring their own food, if they like.

Thing is, the participants really, really would like me to continue moderating.  Obvs, they understand that if I can't be there on Wednesday evenings, I can't moderate.  They've been quite vocal about how much they like when I moderate.  I think they also like that I organize it, send out emails, keep people updated, find discussion topics, etc.  Heck, they might even like me for me.  The bottom line is that they've expressed disappointment that I can no longer moderate.  I feel kinda bad about it bc:

• they miss me

and

• I do miss them

BUT

• I don't miss being in charge of the thing.

Now that I spell it out like that, it's no surprise that I feel kinda bad about it.  People missing each other = sad.  The part about me not missing being in charge of the thing I think = me ready and needing to move on, you know that point when you should just quit your job already before you get bitter and stale.  There's a part of me that doesn't like to leave things incomplete.  I see leaving the group while it continues on as leaving it incomplete.  If I stayed with everything I did until I thought it was complete, I'd still be in grade school.  So this tendency doesn't make sense, but it's there to get past.

So I have this overall negative feeling about ending my involvement, but perhaps I shouldn't.  The group was rather slow to take off, but it's now at a point where there's a group of about 6-8 regulars who enjoy - and have expressed their enjoyment of - getting together on a regular basis to talk about interesting stuff; hearing others' opinions; doing something different from work/raising kids/everyday obligations/etc.  I think it's very refreshing and different for them.  It's pretty much what I'd hoped to achieve when I started, so perhaps I should feel good that I began something that's such a positive thing in participants' lives.